(Losing My) Marbles

Marbles on the floor are a big trigger for me. Specifically, my kid throwing handfuls of marbles on the floor for fun. It triggers this voice in my head that gets louder and louder with every marble thrown onto the floor that points out how dangerous this is and how messy and how out of control my kid is being!

So by now, E has thrown half the marbles from the decorative bowl on the coffee table onto the living room floor. My shoulders tense, I feel a frown on my face as I open my mouth to reprimand and get E to clean up. But I stop myself.

Breathe.

Take a minute to let go of the ingrained response of being irritated at how dangerous he has made the living room by throwing marbles everywhere. 

Breathe. 

I retreat into my bedroom. Let my Mother-in-law take over watching E as he happily plays a game with the marbles. 

Breathe.

And realise that he is safe, he is big enough to know how to keep himself safe from rolling marbles and not fall down. He is only playing a game, he is entertaining himself.  

Just breathe and let go. 

Retro Tableware

So my dad found these tucked away in the storeroom. Years and years ago, he used points earned from the petrol station to redeem 10 boxes of these plates, cups and bowls. I love the design!

They might look cheesy but whenever I see them I have to smile. I'm taking them with me when I move to the new flat.

Speaking of which, I should be writing an update on getting our keys and the renovation soon!

Beauty

Random shots taken with my iPhone. Finding beauty in the little things.

Found at Payless ShoeSource in Singapore

No idea what flower this is but so lovely!

Close up shot

Walking along Punggol Waterway Park

Mom Doubts Again: It's Becoming a Pattern

So the past month (December) started off pretty good, Christmas was coming and the husband was at home and making a decent effort to be involved with E. This is the first Christmas that E experienced with an awareness of what presents mean and he was really happy and excited about it.

We went a little overboard in buying him presents, he has almost the entire collection of Kamen Rider accessories now, thanks to the enthusiastic husband. I'm not entirely blameless either as I watched the buying happen and did not put a stop to it. The two of them were just so happy that I did not have the heart to say no.

Then my Father-in-Law (FIL) came home with a bad cough. Which then spread to all of us and made our lives miserable for a good 2 weeks. E was sick enough that he was down for a day then recovered and was bouncing off the walls the next day complete with a ton of mucus and snot flying everywhere every time he coughed or sneezed.

So that started the trend of a few hours of TV in the morning which became TV in the morning and afternoon and E was turning into a TV zombie while the husband and I struggled to recover from whatever mutant virus my FIL brought home. One thing led to another and E was screaming and whining for TV morning, noon and night, his toys were left untouched and I could barely get him interested in his books when he loved being read to before. I even took him on play-dates with my friend, J's, kid whom E really enjoys spending time with and all he wanted to do was watch TV.

I was talking to J and basically whining about how I felt like E was changing and I couldn't keep up and was becoming a horrible angry mother for having to resort to threats like 'Mama's getting angry, go do what I told you to right now!' instead of keeping my cool and being reasonable and explaining things like I normally do.

J then reminded me that I've been through this before, I had totally forgot. Good thing I wrote it down in this blogpost and I could see that she was right. So again, E growing and changing is throwing me off and I need to grow and change with him.

So last week when all of us are back to 100% health and I had energy to spare I told E that the TV was on holiday and there will be no TV for now. The first day was the hardest, but I took him out running errands with me so there was little opportunity to stop and think about TV. We ended up at the Bedok library and he was excited again about borrowing new books so that gave me incentive to stay on the no TV path. J had also helped by keeping the TV switched off when we came by to visit that morning before the library.

It's been 4 days with no TV and the reasonable, sensitive and lovely kid that I know as E is almost back. It's been a gruelling 4 days for me as well because I've had to replace TV as E's playmate and it takes a lot of energy to keep up with a 3 year old but seeing his lovely personality returning makes it all worthwhile.

Toddler-Free Day(s)

So back in October, a friend (who also has a toddler) and I met up sans children. The husband stepped up and took over caring for toddler E while I was out.

It was a gloriously bright and sunny day as I made my way over to the meeting point and I actually had some time to think without a chatty toddler demanding my undivided attention for the entire trip over.  

I almost did not know how to act on the MRT train, being used to people giving up their seats when I have toddler E in tow, now I was just another faceless single commuter who is obviously able-bodied and therefore no seats were offered. I also felt awkward about taking an open seat because I've become more sensitive to elderly passengers and those who have children with them since having my own kid. Damn my over-active conscience! It took a good while before I could stop all these thoughts and just take an open seat (that is not meant for the elderly, disabled or those who are pregnant or travelling with children).

It was lovely being able to walk as fast as I wanted, no bulky stroller to manoeuvre though the crowd of oblivious commuters. I was also travelling light with a small handbag instead of my usual bulky backpack or diaper bag. 

I could cuss whenever I felt like it without feeling guilty and I could use my iPhone for as long as I wanted without toddler E wanting to watch YouTube videos or play games on it. 

It was pure bliss.

Kitchen Design - Yard Area

I logged into the HDB website to find that the estimated completion date of our BTO flat has been brought forward to 2nd quarter 2014!! Very exciting, but also a little panicked because we have not really looked for a contractor.

The husband does not want an interior designer because he's good at design and can provide the 3D drawings with ideas. He just wants a contractor who can do the work. I'm happy to let him choose the contractor, I think one of his relatives can provide the services we need.

So I wrote about the kitchen design that I wanted in a previous post. This post is supposed to be about the yard area where the washing machine goes.

I really like the floor in this picture, mosaic tiles look bright and colourful.

Source

To save space, I might get a washer/dryer combination, both my parents and in-laws recently switched to a Samsung washer / dryer so I'll see how it works out for them before actually getting one for our new flat. I've been told that washer / dryer combinations can be risky because if the dryer or washer function breaks down, it can affect the entire machine and be expensive to repair as compared to a dedicated washer or dryer.

I'll need storage for washing powder, cleaning liquids etc to be kept above the washing machine so that it stays out of my toddler's hands. I'm not sure how practical cupboards above the washing machine will be so I'll have to run this idea by the husband.

Will also need to figure out where to hang wet laundry and whether we want to put up grilles on the windows in the yard area.

Aquarium Dreams

I like keeping fish.

I've kept a few common types of freshwater fish, mostly live-bearers like guppies and mollies. They are colourful and lively and sometimes a few babies would survive and grow into colourful and lively adults thus replenishing the tank population without me having to go to the store and get more fish.

Then I saw some Siamese fighting fish (or bettas) and fell in love with their long flowing tails and unique personalities. Bettas cannot be kept together and me being a poor student on a tight allowance at the time, would buy a betta or two and keep them in jars because the fish shop guy said they would be perfectly fine in jars with regular water changes.

Then I left to study in Toronto and it felt a little quiet in my apartment without any pets (I had an aloe vera plant but that does not count as a pet). So I decided to get a fighting fish again. This was when the internet became more accessible so I joined a couple online fish forums and read up on fighting fish and their natural habitats. Boy, was the fish shop guy wrong about keeping them in a small jar. This time, I went with a 5 gallon set-up with some gravel and kept a fighting fish, an apple snail and a couple freshwater clams.

So next year when we move to our completed BTO flat in Yishun, I told the hubby that I would like to have an aquarium there and he agreed. I've got lots of time to think about what kind of tank to set-up but I will definitely stick with freshwater fish, I don't have the time or money to deal with a saltwater tank, no matter how gorgeous they look.

Here's some info on fighting fish (bettas) to keep in mind if I end up going with a fighting fish again: The Native Betta Habitat.

Kitchen Design - Inside

I should start posting ideas for my kitchen design. I would love the overall look to be like the picture below. Warm wood floors, clean straight lines and lots of storage. And I like the brightness of the kitchen in contract with the wood floors and metal / glass furniture.

Source

I'm also really loving these pull out drawers that can function as a pantry. Sure beats bending down and crawling around inside the cupboards to find that last can of tomato paste.

Sliding pantry thingy at Ikea

Another view of the sliding thingy

Same goes for the pull-out drawer that goes underneath the kitchen sink.

I want this for the cupboard under my sink, please excuse the grumpy toddler photobomb

Plus a friend mentioned that Ikea uses a drawer system similar to Blum's soft closing hinges and it's somewhat cheaper. Just need to buy a sample for the carpenter to measure against when making the cabinets.

Mom Doubts

Every time I hit the end of my patience with the toddler and he's dancing on my very last nerve, I tell myself to just breathe. Then I get back to enforcing the rules and boundaries of what he can and cannot do because that's part of my job as his mom. That's in addition to looking after his general well-being, kissing away boo-boos and being his potty assistant.

I'm still learning to let go on certain things, have to remember that the toddler is another human being with his own thoughts, needs and wants. I'm older and wiser (hello Sound of Music reference) so it's up to me to keep him from inadvertently killing himself by falling into the koi pond or sticking his fingers in the electrical socket but all non-lethal activities are open for discussion and compromise.

Just last month, I was tearing my hair out with his changing sleep pattern as he started switching from one nap a day to a nap every other day or two. This was in addition to it being a stressful period of time for me personally with the anniversary of a loved one's death coming up. I was having trouble dealing with his changing nap on top of his erratic eating patterns and the usual evening battle to get him into the shower and wash his hair. I don't even want to talk about getting him to brush his teeth.

Today we were visiting my uncle. As evening rolled around, it was time for the toddler to take a bath and he was using every trick in the book to delay it. It had been a long day visiting a friend in the afternoon then dinner at my uncle's and my patience snapped. I told him that if he didn't take a shower (after a full day of running around in our lovely humid tropical heat and sweating up a storm) then he could either stay at my uncle's home because I did not want him or he can sleep on the floor at home because I would not allow his grimy body in the family bed.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. I had told him that I 'did not want him' and I swore never to do that. I was a horrible mother.

Times like this, I start to doubt my ability as a mom. Am I doing things right? What could I do to improve the way I parent? Am I scarring my son for life?

Pantone and Retro

Saw these at Robinsons in Jem (Jurong East Mall) and really liked the whole retro, bold colour look so I took some photos as an inspiration.

Retro phones at not-so-retro prices.

Like the red one

I think this one was $119

The payphone was awesome, I loved it! Then thought about it and figured it would not be practical. A cordless phone is really the most practical option, but it's still nice to look at these.

Toddler was yakking away into the handset

There was a collection of bold pantone colours on various pieces of furniture that I liked. Bold, clean colours.

Pantone colours

Family Bathroom at Jem (Jurong East Mall)

I don't normally do this but I was really impressed by the family bathroom at Jem today. It was clean, well lit and stocked with paper towels. I know it's not environmentally friendly, but paper towels make it so much easier to dry off my toddler's hands!

The toddler loves playing with water, yet hates his baths

I love that the bathroom is set up to handle families with more than one kid. So if I had two kids and we were at the mall, I could put toddler in the seat while I get baby changed at the changing station. And both are in view at all times being right next to each other.

Changing station and toddler seat

Look carefully at the picture below, towards the right side there's paper towels in the holder! I had to take a picture of it, it's a rare sight here.

And he's still busy washing his hands while I snap photos

Unfortunately there was a surprise in the closed adult toilet. I guess the flush was not working today and there was a bunch of tissues and poo left behind by the previous mall-goer.

Toilets to cater for adults and children

Unexpected surprise aside, I think this family bathroom beats the one at Raffles City. I was in the Raffles City basement a couple days ago and saw that they are either building another family bathroom or moving the existing family bathroom to the busy walkway near Gong Cha. I'm definitely checking that out when it is completed.

Fur

The oddest things can trigger a memory. Today I was hanging up some clothes in the closet and caught sight of an old shirt that has not been washed since before my dog, Lavander, passed away. It had her fur all over it and made me think of her again.

Back then, most of my clothes had her fur on them, simply because she was always near me.

Yishun Greenwalk - The Beginning

We applied for a Build-to-Order (BTO) flat in Yishun years ago.

Well, ok not YEARS ago, it was in 2010. We had been applying for various BTO's before then but were not lucky enough to get one. There was a real housing crunch and there weren't enough flats for the growing population. So when we received the HDB letter saying that we were being given a chance to select a unit at Yishun Greenwalk, I was ecstatic. Doubly so since I was also expecting toddler E and I did not want to live with the in-laws forever. Don't get me wrong, the in-laws are great but I like having my own space.

So here are the floor plans:

We selected a 5-room unit (blue floor plan) because the extra space would be nice to have with toddler E running around.

I follow a Facebook page set up by a kind soul who's been taking weekly photos of the construction site to share. This saves me making a physical trip down to the area to have a look at the progress and right now almost all the blocks are complete and some have even been painted. I read that we could potentially get our keys at the end of this year (2013) and that has spurred me on to research how I would like my kitchen to be. The husband is in charge of the rest but the kitchen is my domain.

All I know right now is that I would like to have an undermount stainless steel sink. But, I also know that it will be more expensive than a drop-in sink. I also need to start thinking about what type of counter top (quartz vs granite and a host of other choices), cabinets, faucets etc.

I'm excited!

Real Men Carry a Pink Diaper Bag

The hubby has resigned from his 9-5 job in a bid to regain his sanity and work-life balance. And the stress from his work was showing in  his constant shoulder aches which prompted many a visit to his trusty sinseh (Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor).

He's been putting an effort into spending more time with toddler E which is great. For me. I finally found time to go for a facial treatment while the hubby entertained toddler E at home. Plus he's been pretty good at picking up the slack in child-caring duties. 

I even have photo evidence!

13 June: Backpack courtesy of my sister

Who's Your Momma?

Not me.

There are days when being a mother really gets to me. Especially when it's that time of the month and PMS hits me hard.

Unfortunately the hubz is pretty sensitive to hormonal changes (he had morning nausea in sympathy with a pregnant colleague at a workplace a few years ago) so when I'm tired and achy with a nagging pain in my lower back where I had the epidural, he usually has some aches and pains at the same time.

Now this bugs me because when I'm down like this, I'd like to be able to depend on my partner to have my back and step in with todzilla instead of moaning and groaning about his bad shoulder acting up.

So once a month, I wallow in self-pity and resentment at the hubz and todzilla.

I need to work on that.

Hello 2013 (I know, I'm late)

I guess this is the time when most people start reflecting on their lives in 2012 and write down what they hope 2013 will be. So I shall join the bandwagon and do a post like that as well, albeit rather late as it's already halfway through January 2013 but here goes.

What was 2012 like for me? Well, baby E and I took our first big trip without the hubz because work could not let him go. We went with my parents and sister to visit her boyfriend (now fiance) in Las Vegas and spent 2 weeks there. Baby E took to plane travel like a champ, flirting with the female flight attendants and charming the other passengers with his sunny smile. He did get a bit grumpy towards the end of the return flight and I was tired and could not find the strength to keep him entertained so I just nursed him and hoped for the best. It was the longest 6 hour flight of my life (Seoul to Singapore).

During the trip I received news that Lavander was sick and not eating her food. I asked the hubz and my godfather to check in on her and he sent me pictures of her. When I got back to Singapore, we (baby E, the hubz and I) took Lavander to the vet and the rest is in my previous post.

Then my sister's fiance visited in October and we went to Koh Samui with my parents (again, the hubz could not get time off work) and baby E had the time of his life. The sun, sand and sea really agreed with him and he LOVED feeding the fishes off the boat we hired.

We ended the year with the usual Christmas celebrations with my family and baby E was old enough to stay up a bit later and handle all the stimulation that comes with seeing relatives and opening presents. He did not have a single meltdown and I'm so proud of him for that.

I won't deny it, having baby E in 2010 and adjusting to life after that was really difficult for me. He was not (and still is not) an easygoing baby who keeps me on my toes. The hubz made a point to spend lots of time with baby E during his Christmas vacation and I can see the father-son bond growing already. Who knows, maybe someday soon the hubz will be able to put baby E to bed at night without me!

What am I looking forward to in 2013? Having our own home! Our flat should be ready by the end of 2013 and we could potentially move in before the middle of 2014. Our first home together, that'll be an adventure!

Lavander

I could not decide what to write about first. 

But I owe it to man's (or in this case, WOman's) best friend to get this post out and try to move on. I've been stuck in emotional limbo since Lavander passed in March this year. Been keeping busy taking care of baby E and the family but it's time to stop and take a moment to remember Lavander. 

On our way to a pet event at Fort Canning Park 2008

Lavander, my slightly crazy Jack Russell Terrier who loved tennis balls (or pretty much anything shaped like a ball) and hated getting her nails trimmed. And yes, I know her name is misspelled. Tell that to my 14 year old self who picked and registered her name without consulting a dictionary.

Lavander, who loved sleeping on the bed with me. She also wanted to be let in and out of the room several times during the night. I always ended up sleeping in the bed next to the door so I could open and close it for her. I seriously considered installing a dog door but my parents would have not liked that at all.

It took a while, but with the help of a great vet I managed to solve her food allergy issues. Also found out that she was allergic to grass, poor girl! She did love to roll around in the grass, which I much preferred compared to her other favourite thing to roll in, dead animal carcasses.

My brother called her 'The Great White Shark' because she was white and constantly circled around whoever had food in the home in the hopes they would drop a piece and when they did, she would pounce on whatever it was and wolf it down in record time. She loved to eat. 

Then she gave me a huge scare after eating an entire pack of Ricola sweets but after a night of horrible diarrhea (horrible because my dad and I had to clean it up, it didn't seem to bother her too much) and a vet visit, she was right as rain. This happened several times with various food items and she would have an upset stomach but recover in a day.

July 1997 - March 2012

I've always said that I would know when to let her go, it would be when food and car rides no longer had any appeal for her. When the time came, a third reason made up my mind - no amount of pain medication could make her comfortable. 

So I let her go. And she is missed, so so much.

Hello Again!

Wow, I can't believe my first ever blog is still here. There have been major life changes since I last posted in 2008 (wow 4 years ago! procrastination FTW).

It's time to revive this humble blog, here's a summary of events leading up to this post:

• Been dating future-hubby since 2005.
• Found out about pregnancy early 2010.
• Married mid-2010.
• Had baby E end 2010.
• Baby E will be 2 years old this year.

There you go, shortest summary ever. Most of my writing will probably be about my experiences as a SAHM, new (well, not-so-new now) mother and life in general.


Fascinating, huh? Yeah, I thought so.


Hmm, sarcasm doesn't translate well into text on a screen. I've got to refine my writing style.

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Procrastinator!

Yes, I'm a terrible procrastinator! I've bought my own digital camera and still no pictures. Ah well, guess my memory will just have to serve for now.

What Your Pizza Reveals

Your appetite is pretty average. You don't go overboard - but you don't deprive yourself either. You aren't particularly picky about pizza. It's so good... how could you be? You fit in best in the Western part of the US. Your taste is rather complex and sophisticated. You consider yourself a gourmet - and a bit of a snob. You are generous, outgoing, and considerate with your choices. You are cultured and intellectual. You should consider traveling to Vienna. The stereotype that best fits you is geek. You're the type most likely to order pizza to avoid leaving your computer.

What Does Your Pizza Say About You?