(Losing My) Marbles

Marbles on the floor are a big trigger for me. Specifically, my kid throwing handfuls of marbles on the floor for fun. It triggers this voice in my head that gets louder and louder with every marble thrown onto the floor that points out how dangerous this is and how messy and how out of control my kid is being!

So by now, E has thrown half the marbles from the decorative bowl on the coffee table onto the living room floor. My shoulders tense, I feel a frown on my face as I open my mouth to reprimand and get E to clean up. But I stop myself.

Breathe.

Take a minute to let go of the ingrained response of being irritated at how dangerous he has made the living room by throwing marbles everywhere. 

Breathe. 

I retreat into my bedroom. Let my Mother-in-law take over watching E as he happily plays a game with the marbles. 

Breathe.

And realise that he is safe, he is big enough to know how to keep himself safe from rolling marbles and not fall down. He is only playing a game, he is entertaining himself.  

Just breathe and let go. 

Retro Tableware

So my dad found these tucked away in the storeroom. Years and years ago, he used points earned from the petrol station to redeem 10 boxes of these plates, cups and bowls. I love the design!

They might look cheesy but whenever I see them I have to smile. I'm taking them with me when I move to the new flat.

Speaking of which, I should be writing an update on getting our keys and the renovation soon!

Beauty

Random shots taken with my iPhone. Finding beauty in the little things.

Found at Payless ShoeSource in Singapore

No idea what flower this is but so lovely!

Close up shot

Walking along Punggol Waterway Park

Mom Doubts Again: It's Becoming a Pattern

So the past month (December) started off pretty good, Christmas was coming and the husband was at home and making a decent effort to be involved with E. This is the first Christmas that E experienced with an awareness of what presents mean and he was really happy and excited about it.

We went a little overboard in buying him presents, he has almost the entire collection of Kamen Rider accessories now, thanks to the enthusiastic husband. I'm not entirely blameless either as I watched the buying happen and did not put a stop to it. The two of them were just so happy that I did not have the heart to say no.

Then my Father-in-Law (FIL) came home with a bad cough. Which then spread to all of us and made our lives miserable for a good 2 weeks. E was sick enough that he was down for a day then recovered and was bouncing off the walls the next day complete with a ton of mucus and snot flying everywhere every time he coughed or sneezed.

So that started the trend of a few hours of TV in the morning which became TV in the morning and afternoon and E was turning into a TV zombie while the husband and I struggled to recover from whatever mutant virus my FIL brought home. One thing led to another and E was screaming and whining for TV morning, noon and night, his toys were left untouched and I could barely get him interested in his books when he loved being read to before. I even took him on play-dates with my friend, J's, kid whom E really enjoys spending time with and all he wanted to do was watch TV.

I was talking to J and basically whining about how I felt like E was changing and I couldn't keep up and was becoming a horrible angry mother for having to resort to threats like 'Mama's getting angry, go do what I told you to right now!' instead of keeping my cool and being reasonable and explaining things like I normally do.

J then reminded me that I've been through this before, I had totally forgot. Good thing I wrote it down in this blogpost and I could see that she was right. So again, E growing and changing is throwing me off and I need to grow and change with him.

So last week when all of us are back to 100% health and I had energy to spare I told E that the TV was on holiday and there will be no TV for now. The first day was the hardest, but I took him out running errands with me so there was little opportunity to stop and think about TV. We ended up at the Bedok library and he was excited again about borrowing new books so that gave me incentive to stay on the no TV path. J had also helped by keeping the TV switched off when we came by to visit that morning before the library.

It's been 4 days with no TV and the reasonable, sensitive and lovely kid that I know as E is almost back. It's been a gruelling 4 days for me as well because I've had to replace TV as E's playmate and it takes a lot of energy to keep up with a 3 year old but seeing his lovely personality returning makes it all worthwhile.

Toddler-Free Day(s)

So back in October, a friend (who also has a toddler) and I met up sans children. The husband stepped up and took over caring for toddler E while I was out.

It was a gloriously bright and sunny day as I made my way over to the meeting point and I actually had some time to think without a chatty toddler demanding my undivided attention for the entire trip over.  

I almost did not know how to act on the MRT train, being used to people giving up their seats when I have toddler E in tow, now I was just another faceless single commuter who is obviously able-bodied and therefore no seats were offered. I also felt awkward about taking an open seat because I've become more sensitive to elderly passengers and those who have children with them since having my own kid. Damn my over-active conscience! It took a good while before I could stop all these thoughts and just take an open seat (that is not meant for the elderly, disabled or those who are pregnant or travelling with children).

It was lovely being able to walk as fast as I wanted, no bulky stroller to manoeuvre though the crowd of oblivious commuters. I was also travelling light with a small handbag instead of my usual bulky backpack or diaper bag. 

I could cuss whenever I felt like it without feeling guilty and I could use my iPhone for as long as I wanted without toddler E wanting to watch YouTube videos or play games on it. 

It was pure bliss.